- I have IMPORTANT #AdviceForNewTwitterUsers! BE AWARE that their's a Trump Parody Account that LOOKS like the President's Account! Also, their's a VERIFIDE Presidents Twitter account that LOOKS like a Parody Account! You can buy a coffee for Parody Trump at
- CRAZY Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein wanted to SECRETLY WARE A WIRE to RECORD ME to PROVE IM MENTELLY INCAPASITATED & ENVOKE the 25th AMENDMENT! Unbeleivable! It would be UNFAIR & ILLEAGAL to use a wire to record the VOICES IN MY HEAD! MOST of the voices arent even MINE! #FridayFeeling
- My Oval Office curtains are CHEAP gold-colored cloth. I told General Kelly that I WANT NEW curtains made out of REAL 14 carrot gold. He did the calculations & said they'd weigh 2000 pounds & cost 38 million dollars each! WOW! Not sure if he placed the order yet. #FridayFeeling
- Jews LOVE ME because I KNOW MORE about Jewishism then Jews! Today is Yom Kippur holiday! Named after Mr. Kippur, 1 of the Jewish Gods! 26 hours of all-you-can-eat turkey & ham sandwiches, dancing, parties & one-night stands! FUN! So many hangovers! DON'T Drink & Drive! #YomKippur
- Mad Melanie is ANGRY at me again! Melanie red about Stormys description of my unusually small part that looks exactly like the Mushroom character from Mario Kart. While Stormys description is accurate, HOW COULD MELANIE KNOW THAT? MELANIE DOESN'T PLAY MARIO KART! #WednesdayWisdom
- Pence told me that Sesame Street's Bert & Ernie ARE GAY! Unbelievible! To stop Pence from crying I said I'd sign an Executive Order that'd make gay puppet sex illegal! MY order will also make it ILLEGAL for puppets to have ANY type of sex-except for missionary position of course.
- MY Chief of Staff General Kelly SERVED for 30 years in the US Marine Core! That's why I hired him! But today, I pressed my red button to get MY Diet Coke & Kelly brought me a REGULAR coke! NOT a DIET coke! AND it took 15 MINUTES! VERY BAD SERVICE to his country! #TuesdayThoughts
- Supreme Court pick Kavanaugh's women problems remind me about MY relationship with Hope Hicks. Hicks quit immediatly after I surprise French-kissed her & groped her in the White House Elevator. Maybe if I kissed her in the Oval Office, she'd still be here. Sad. #MondayMotivation
- I CAN'T be impeeched! If I am, PENCE becomes President! He'd be a TERRIBLE president! HE'S TOTALLY INSANE! He says Jesus talks to him! HE'S LYING! I've got great hearing & I can't hear Jesus! And why doesn't he release the RECORDINGS of Jesus talking to him? WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?
- Hispanic Voters LOVE me! Everytime I see a Spanish person, I here them calling me a "Pendejo!" I asked my Mexican housekeeper (whose not very Smart btw), what "Pendejo" means in American & she said “Pendejo” means I’m a “Stable Genious.” I love it! I'M A PENDEJO! #SaturdayMorning
- I AM SO ANGRY! My campaign manager Paul Manafort pleeded GUILTY! Now he's going to jail AND he's COOPERATING with the US government! TRAITOR! HE BETTER NOT reveal ANYTHING about my secret deals with Russia that got me elected!
- MY Hurricane Maria response was TREMENDOUS! Fakenews NEVER reported that Maria had wind AND rain! CNN NEVER reported that Porto Rico was an island- surrounded by water- ON ALL SIDES! AND - no one in Porto Rico has died since I've been President! I made up that fact ALL BY MYSELF!
- Just found out NOAA (National Oceanic & Atmospheric something) is flying airplanes INTO the Cat 2 Hurricaine! WHY THE HELL ARE THEY DOING THAT?! Airplane propellers will CREATE MORE WIND & make Florence SPIN FASTER! Some MORONS don't know ANYTHING about science! #ThursdayThoughts
- Hurricane Florence is almost hear! When compared to other Hurricanes– especially Obama's low-rated wimpy hurricanes- Florence’s rains will be wetter then anyone thought possible! I double checked with FEMA and they CONFIRMED the rain will be 100 PER CENT WATER! It will be WET!
- #HurricanceFlorence will cause record flooding! Since I made MY EPA cut LOSER Obama's silly regulations on coal ash dumps & hog manure pits, toxic flood water will have tons of cancer causing Arsenic, Mercury & Poop! BUT IT'S NOT MY FAULT! Thats what my dumb #Maga voters wanted!
- Can't wait for #HurricaneFlorerence! My response will be JUST LIKE my Hurricane Maria response! One of the best jobs that's ever been done! Maria had an INCREDIBLY SUCCESSFUL 3000 fatalities! A RECORD! That's 1000s MORE than President Obama's & Bushes Hurricanes! Unsung Success!
- I’m now LEADING the Anomynous leaker NY TIMES op-ed investigation! Their are 450 people -SUSPECTS!- on the White house payroll. I can rule out me & my aliases: David Denison, John Barron & John Miller. Melanies English not good, so she's out. 443 suspects left! #TuesdayThoughts
- We'll SOON know the identify of the Anonymoush IDIOT! I printed a copy of the New York Times Op Ed piece, then mailed it to EXPERTS for DNA analysis! Once they compare DNA samples found on the printed copy to everyone in the White house, We'll FIND THE TRAITOR! #MondayMotivation
- WHERE ARE MY ASSISTANTS? I’m out of toilet paper again!! I’VE BEEN YELLING! I KNOW melanie can here me - I hear her laughing! NOT FUNNY MELANIE! SEND SARAH! Lincoln Bedroom bathroom – RIGHT NOW!! I also need new underware. And socks. #SundayMorning
- Don Jr showed me a HUGE Clue about the identity of the amonymous author who wrote the mean New York Times Op-ed piece! Don Jr noticed the writer used nouns AND verbs in EACH sentance! That fancy writing style is ONLY used by 3 members of my cabinet! Arrest SOON! #SaturdayMorning
- Dumb President Obama has NO IDEA how politics works! Sad! HE wants ME to say Nazis are bad & critisize Nazis! LOL! Nazis are very fine people! WHY would I attack Nazis-my MOST RELIABLE voters, rally attendees, MAGA hat wearers, campane workers & White House staffers? #BarackObama
- Generals KEEP interupting MY TV TIME! I'm watching tapes of my rallys! I look HANDSOME! MY Generals say new attack in Syria about to happen by Russians & US Troops are in the way...I told them its VERY RUDE to INTERUPT MY TV TIME! Did you see MY rally? I LOOK GOOD! #FridayFeeling
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